Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Simply Solo.

Still got nothin’. Less than nothing, actually. No space or time for pontification or creativity this week...three days left ‘til the move. Just a quick and embarrassingly feeble little entry today.

I realize through some comments that have been made recently - some worthy and some truly asinine - by strangers, friends and yes, even family members, that there are a few things I should perhaps elaborate on in the near future: why I am taking this trip, HOW I am taking this trip, what it means to me, etc. I live at times with a smouldering frustration that makes me want to scream, “DOESN’T ANYBODY GET IT???” But truly – why should they? This is nobody’s journey but my own. Everyone has their own bag to deal with; marriages, divorces, unpaid bills, triumphs, failures, vacations, mortgages, births, parties, and illnesses. Not to say that nobody cares about my journey – I know that some do. But my choices and ultimate path are frankly of little consequence to the vast majority (all?) of the people I am connected to (and definitely of zero consequence to all those I’m not connected to). There is only me. It is a stark, humbling and all-important realization along a surprisingly solitary and lonely road. I have to constantly remind myself that I chose this, and, time and time again, that it’s not supposed to be easy. Now I have to add to that the understanding and acceptance that nobody can (or even should) help me.

I figure if swashbuckling dudes could get into wooden ships in the 1600’s and sail off to parts unknown in hopes of discovering new worlds – no GPS system, complete isolation, storms with gigantic waves, scurvy, no people or distractions around for thousands of miles save for the occasional pirate attack, and no guarantee of ever unearthing anything of true consequence – then surely I can do this.

A completely disjointed but important comment: I apologize if I have given away, sold (at a ridiculously low price) or tossed out something that you at one time gave me (I surely -100% - have done one of the three). Please realize that it does not mean I don’t love, respect or appreciate you or your kind gesture and thoughtfulness; it is simply part of freeing myself of the “stuffocation” (thanks for the new term, A) that I have been living with. It is not a statement on your bad taste or that you don’t comprehend my tastes (ahem...ok, admittedly in some cases, it is). But please don’t be insulted or hurt. It isn’t personal.

“The trouble with simple living is that, though it can be joyful, rich, and creative, it isn’t simple.” Doris Janzen Longacre


wencanscrap said...

Dearest Cara,
Although, admittedly, we don't know each other that well, and, truthfully you may not remember me at all, I hope you allow me to intrude into your blog (via Tania) and your personal story to tell you that I believe you are attempting something amazingly brave. I wish you nothing but success on the journey that you have set for yourself. All I'd like to add is: be safe.
Best of luck, and I sincerely hope that you will continue to share your story with us.

JT said...

Cara, just read your blog. Haven't checked in for awhile. Sounds like you're doing just fine with the journey forward. "Life is an adventure so get on the trail or miss the hike!"